| Monday, November 2, 2009 |
05:50 - Buy me some tofu and gluten-free unsalted puffed rice crackers
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Five Guys is unique among burger chains in that they provide big boxes of peanuts right next to the doors, both salted and unsalted, so you can munch your way through a couple of handfuls while you wait for your burger to show up. However, they have a sign next to them warning customers not to take the peanuts outside the store. Because, you know, these days, with allergies and all... someone could grab a handful of peanuts, go outside and fling them at someone walking by on the sidewalk, and then Five Guys would be liable for providing free access to a deadly weapon.
Much has been made lately of the rise in allergies and food reactions in recent years. Why, back in the day, people used to give out handfuls of peanuts for Halloween. These days you'd probably be charged with criminal negligence, hardly better than if you'd handed out actual apples with razor blades in them. Remember, kids: only accept candy that comes in a sealed wrapper! And never mind those "Schoolhouse Rock" shorts that told kids that "the best foods come in wrappers of their own"!
But now I wonder how long it'll be before peanuts are banned from baseball parks. I mean, honestly: what bigger liability nightmare could there be for someone paranoid of a lawsuit? Huge crowds of people surrounding you, rows upon rows of rowdy fans behind you occasionally throwing whatever they happen to have handy toward the field, and vendors walking up and down the aisles providing bioweapon ammunition?
They've apparently flirted with the idea of banning peanuts long ago, on cost grounds; and it failed because of tradition and song lyrics. I wonder, though... can even the legendarium of baseball stand against the litigious modern 21st-century society?
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Brian Tiemann
