Peeve Farm

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Peeve Farm
Breeding peeves for show, not just to keep as pets

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Monday, April 29, 2002

11:38 - Stage Three: Mockery...
http://www.raytracer25.btinternet.co.uk/iToilet/itoilet.html

(top)

I'm just posting this so as to try to forestall a dozen ICQ messages which would otherwise probably be waiting for me when I get home from work, pointing me gleefully toward this URL.

Yes, yes. I've seen it.

Ho ho, very amusing. And yet, this kind of thing infuriates me no end. Not because of the Mac mockery-- we've all gotten used to that. Remember the iBrator? We all loved the iBrator. Some of my friends even had it as their desktop background for a while. This new incarnation is no different-- in fact, it's firmly on the hackneyed side, considering that it appears to be making fun of iBooks that left the market a year ago, even though the page is brand-new.

No, what really steams my cauliflower is the underlying attitude behind something like this. I mean, humor and satire is one thing. Mac parody sites are full of such stuff-- and it's all the funnier when it's written by someone who's a Mac fan. We like to poke fun at ourselves just like any marginalized group does.

But this kind of inflammatory ranting just makes my skin crawl:

The iToilet features dual pipe� technology. This makes the iToilet flush twice as fast as a Pentium-based model!

* Well, if truth be told, Apple has yet to find a way to equal the superiority and speed of the Pentium, but Steve Jobs insists that adding the second pipe does make the iToilet flush twice as fast (Hey, we did it with the G4 and nobody realised!)

And...

Stupid boring idiotic people who choose to use other cheap inferior toilets (such as the ridiculously fast and super-reliable Microsoft "Toilet 2000" or "Loo XP") have to unclog the
old-fashioned way - by pressing the "unclog" button. We laugh in their faces because the procedure is just so much quicker and far more fun with the iToilet! To unclog, follow these simple instructions:

STEP 1: When the message box pops up telling you that the iToilet has clogged, simply click the restart button in the dialogue box. Keep clicking this button until you realise that it won't do anything anyway because the iToilet has totally frozen and is not responding. Proceed to Step 2

STEP 2: Press and hold the following keys on your iToilet keypad: Ctrl+Shift+Alt+Command+Esc.
This doesn't do anything either, so proceed to Step 3.

...Et cetera.

This isn't satire. This is vicious and bitter-minded venom. Satire wouldn't have lines singing the praises of Windows XP. The wording, the texture is all wrong for satire-- it points at a much more petty motivation for doing this kind of thing. Just hearing someone voluntarily standing up and cheering for Microsoft sickens me-- and the thought that it's not done as parody made it difficult for me to drive in to work this morning without veering off into a ditch.

Th guy claims to be a 3D artist with his own studio specializing in 3D Studio Max. Since he's in the industry, one would have to assume that he's familiar with the reasons why Macs are widely favored there. It's not because of Macolytes, it's because the machines are better suited to the task. And he's either railing against what he sees as a ridiculous contender against the righteous Microsoft hegemony, or else he's just got a very poorly developed sense of humor.

I'm going to mail him and find out. I certainly hope it's the latter; because people who take pleasure in kicking the underdog are not welcome on my planet.