"If we could just pretend to have your attention for a few minutes, we'd like to go over the safety features..."
"Electronic devices must be turned off. If we catch you using an electronic device before we've said it's okay, you will be voted off the island."
"Smoking is never, never, never, never, never, never permitted in an airplane lavatory."
"We will be dimming the lights in order to enhance the beauty of our flight attendants."
"We'll be arriving early into San Jose, as we promised; unfortunately, we're only 25 minutes early."
"Remember, cell phones must be switched off until the front doors have been opened. If you've slipped and accidentally turned on your phone, please feel free to slip and accidentally turn it back off."
"For your own safety and the safety of those you may fall on, please remain seated..."
"Please remain in your seat until we have pulled up to the gate and the captain has turned off the seatbelt sign. When that happens, please feel free to unbuckle your belt, move to the center aisle, and go absolutely nowhere."
"Since we've gotten you into San Jose 25 minutes early, please go out and tell whoever's meeting you that Southwest got you in 25 minutes early. Because we know that if we got you in 25 minutes late, you'd be out there telling your friends all about it."
"If you have a connecting flight this late on Southwest, please look at the video monitors in the gate area for connection information. If you have a connecting flight on another airline, well, we simply don't care."
"One more thing: If you enjoyed your flight today, this was Southwest, and your flight attendants were Dale, Maya, and Jennifer. If you didn't enjoy your flight, this was Northwest, and your flight attendants were Bill, Hillary, and Monica."