All of this leaves me with just one thing to say: Would you buy a Windows computer from this man [insert picture of Steve Jobs]? This is a guy who has been ripped off by Microsoft for 20 years: Do you think he's about to just up and join the enemy? I doubt it. "Boot Chump" is just a Trojan horse, designed to get Windows users (aka chumps) to sample Macintosh hardware. Once you've laid out a few kilobucks on your BC system and been frustrated a few times with Windows limitations, what are you going to do? Jobs's bet: You'll start spending more and more time in OS X, until you—too—become one of the pod people. It's sad to see so many of my compatriots being turned into lemmings. Perhaps they'll wake up and smell the Apple pie in the sky—and realize they've been taken for a ride. But I doubt it. Because I'm a firm believer that once you start using a Mac, your IQ begins to creep downwards, inversely proportional to an increase in your AAF (Apple Acceptance Factor).

In fact, I'm blaming the AAF for a wide-range of habits espoused by supposedly "creative people." I'll bet it's responsible for tattoos, piercings, and the wide-spread adoption of the phrase "no worries." In fact, I believe that most of today's societal ills can be either indirectly or directly attributed to Apple. Widespread hearing loss? Blame the iPod. Carpal tunnel? Blame the Newton. Upswing in hernias? That Infinite Loop idiot who decided to put a handle on the first iMac—and started the whole luggable trend. No, Boot Camp is just the latest diabolical piece of Steve Jobs's grand plan to dumb us down and mangle our bodies. It's no coincidence that all this is happening just as Jobs has taken over as the head of Disney (which also owns ABC). Pretty soon we'll be good for nothing but sitting on our butts and watching TV. So go ahead and Boot Camp if you must. But don't come running to me when your mind and body prematurely degenerate. I'll be smart, fit, and enjoying my real Windows computers, while you ooze slowly into the Pixar-Disney-ABC swamp of mindlessness. Chump.

Speaking of building computers, if you like building your own computers, you are out of luck again. Apple's not interested in a DIY Mac, nor is it concerned with the case-mod culture of the PC. Oh, I guess that doesn't matter; lemming-like Apple fans aren't interested in actually doing anything different with their cookie-cutter computers that aspire to "Think Different" but, like that old Pete Seeger song about little boxes, "all look just the same." The really creative computer users are the case modders who build extravagant designs to house their systems. And that's just not possible if you aspire to run Windows and simultaneously "Think Different."