| Monday, January 19, 2004 |
19:28 - Ooh-ooh, I know this one
http://action.truemajority.org/ctt.asp?u=435888&l=272
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Our friends at TrueMajority.com (the Ben & Jerry's guys, if my memory serves) have helpfully provided a PDF file of a "report card" which we can use to score Bush's State of the Union speech tomorrow night. You can print it out, mark in your grades, and mail it in, all in the interest of Bush's stated commitment to "accountability, testing, and reporting".
In the absence of an actual speech to grade yet, we have to amuse ourselves somehow. What better way than to perform a little independent auditing of our standardized tests, hmm?
Give a high grade for clearly focusing on the big picture. Watch out for "The Spin" and subtract for only talking about side issues that make him look good. Give a failing grade for using lies or misleading statements. Extra credit should be awarded for offering up real solutions to our nation's problems and facing up to our most difficult problems.
Sure 'nuff; sounds fair to me. Well then. Let's get cracking, shall we?
Economics
The Big Picture: During the President's term the number of jobs in this country has actually declined by over 2 million. The poor have gotten poorer. Record deficits have kick-started growth, but recent gains in jobs aren't even enough to cover the number of new workers looking for jobs due to natural population growth.
The Spin: Recent economic growth is a sign of better things to come.
The Lies: Everyone got a tax cut and the rich and poor benefited equally.
Extra Credit: Give the President extra credit if he admits that the rebound in the economy is being fueled by record deficits that will eventually choke the economy if we don't change things soon.
I don't know what these guys expect Bush to say about the economy and the tax cuts, but apparently it's something along the lines of "Every American got an equal amount of tax proportionate to his or her income back in the form of a check", or something equally specific and equally preposterous. No dice there. But when it comes to the recovery, why do you suppose it is that "the big picture" insists on placing an upward trend under a big "but" clause, ignoring the fact that even the most timid projections show an extremely positive outlook in coming weeks and months? Why is a Dow average of 10,600 not part of the "big picture"? If you want to step back and look at the "big picture" regarding the economy, I wonder how much more effectively you can do that than "Bush passed tax cuts, and now the economy is rebounding"?
I also wonder how-- and why-- Bush is expected to downplay his role in this achievement, and point out only the pessimistic view of the economy, so that he can stave off criticism that he is just "trying to make himself look good". Remove the identity of the man on the podium, and tell me that he's supposed to respond to a surging economy by issuing sobering warnings and admonishments that things aren't as good as they seem. Yeah, that's the way to bolster consumer confidence.
Or is the message here that the economy is only allowed to recover under a Democrat?
Moving on.
Social Studies
The Big Picture: After 9/11 everyone wanted to help us, now almost nobody does. Osama is still on the loose and our bullying overseas adventures are fueling Al Qaeda recruiting.
The Spin: The President is taking strong and decisive action. We haven't had an attack on our soil since 9/11 and unnamed evildoers have been thwarted.
The Lies: Iraq was involved in 9/11.
Extra Credit: Give the President extra credit if he admits that last year's State of the Union was all about Iraq's Weapons of Mass Destruction that did not exist.
I entreat anybody to provide me proof-- or even convincing conjecture-- that Osama bin Laden is not dead. Any takers?
The Spin? Something tells me that if Bush wants to point out "evildoers" who have been thwarted, they need not be unnamed; he can point to many actual news stories. Unless we're meant to believe that all those Air France and British Airways jets were cancelled around New Year's purely as part of a conspiracy to fool Americans into thinking terrorists still exist. Who does he think we are? Some kinda morons? There ain't no terrorists and there never was!
Does the author of this thing actually expect Bush to implicate Iraq in 9/11, when he didn't even do so last SotU? In the absence of new overwhelming proof, I mean?
As for the extra credit, I hoped to see some attention paid to Logic class on this report card. For instance, explain to me the following: Given that Bush trumped up the case for war based on a lie that Iraq possessed weapons of mass destruction. Given further that Bush and his advisors knew that if we invaded on that false pretext, it would become known-- when we found no WMDs-- that it was false. Explain why the administration did not then plant WMDs for the troops to "find", or simply report that said WMDs had been found, thereby justifying the pretext. In other words: if the Bush administration is evil and ingenious enough to lie its way into war, why is it not competent enough to secure an alibi?
(For extra credit, convince me that if we do find WMDs in the near future, the Left will acknowledge that the pretext for war was correct, and will not accuse the administration of exactly the above subterfuge: planting weapons to retroactively justify the war.)
Next quarter we'll cover an advanced concept called "Occam's Razor".
On.
Health
The Big Picture: We do have a new Medicare benefit for prescription drugs. Unfortunately it was done in such a way only drug companies could love. Heck, the new law actually makes it illegal for states to join together and negotiate lower drug prices. Meanwhile, 44 million Americans don't have any health insurance. That's an increase of about 4 million since President Bush took office. The rest of us are paying more for the coverage we do have.
The Spin: The Medicare drug benefit is great.
The Lies: We can't afford to give everyone health insurance.
Extra Credit: Give the President extra credit if he admits that we are the only wealthy nation in the world without universal health insurance.
Sure. "We" actually can afford to give everyone health insurance. "We" meaning the people with jobs and health coverage, naturally. "We" have too much money as it is. Why don't we all volunteer to give up a big chunk of it so we can have nice beautiful prepaidfree health care? Why can't we be more like Canada?
That's the way to stimulate the economy, folks. More taxes and punishment of the rich for succeeding. Not Bush's stupid "tax cuts" which only look like they're working. Avert your eyes! Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!
Environmental Sciences
The Big Picture: Changes by the Bush administration are making the air dirtier, the forests shrink, and the globe warmer.
The Spin: These changes won't really hurt us but will help the economy.
The Lies: Letting power plants pollute more leads to "clear skies," letting lumber companies cut down forests saves them, we don't know why the earth is warming.
Extra Credit: Give the President extra credit is he simply admits the planet is warming and we share some of the responsibility.
See, when your audience is people who get their political awareness through comic strips, you can get away with crap like referring to the Healthy Forest Initiative as "letting lumber companies cut down forests" in order to save them, and you'll never get called on it. See, because the truth is just too hard to fit on a 3x5 card.
Grammar
Remember: even if a statement has been shown to be true through practical application and empirical observation, if it's positive and Bush says it it's a "lie".
The Three Rs
The Big Picture: The President gave the schools a whole bunch of expensive new requirements but didn't provide any way to pay for them.
The Spin: The President gave the schools a whole bunch of new requirements.
The Lies: Giving schools a whole bunch of expensive new requirements without any way to pay for them will make kids smarter.
Extra Credit: Give the President extra credit if he proposes money to pay for the new requirements.
Hey nimrod: "No Child Left Behind" was a bipartisan initiative. If it was a stupid idea, just wave your hands a lot and it becomes the fault of the other guy. Brilliant, tried-and-true tactics.
What kind of superhuman would Bush have to be in order to fund all his original campaign promises, and deal with 9/11 and its global aftermath? Can you picture it? "Sorry, America-- al Qaeda and Iraq will have to wait, because I promised to deliver on No Child Left Behind. Real sorry 'bout that hole in Manhattan; I'm sure you folks can handle it yourself, right?"
By the way, remember how we were supposed to mark Bush down if he actually claimed any of the things listed as "The Lie"? Can you see him saying this one? "Ah'm not gonna spend any more money on these edumacation programs, but kids are gonna git smarter any-ol-ways." Is that about the size of it? Sounds like you've set him up to wreck the bell curve.
Arts and Crafts
The Big Picture: So much of the State of the Union Address is about image. The President will be prepped by pros to read a speech written by a team of wordsmiths. All the while he'll try to come across as a regular guy, only smarter.
The Spin: No, really, he's just a regular guy, only smarter.
The Lies: He's a regular guy. He's smarter.
Extra Credit: Give the President extra credit if he doesn't cynically exploit someone who actually did something heroic by putting them in the visitor's gallery and pointing to them during the speech.
Okay, look. The writer is just getting lazy now. He seems to have nothing left but a tired "Bush is stooopid" joke, and he can't seem to figure out how to fit it into his neat little format. If he's not going to put the effort into finishing this thing properly, then I'm not going to bother either.
Except to note that this Extra Credit piece is evidently a reference to this:
Mr. Speaker, Mr. President Pro Tempore, members of Congress, and fellow Americans:
In the normal course of events, Presidents come to this chamber to report on the state of the Union. Tonight, no such report is needed. It has already been delivered by the American people.
We have seen it in the courage of passengers, who rushed terrorists to save others on the ground -- passengers like an exceptional man named Todd Beamer. And would you please help me to welcome his wife, Lisa Beamer, here tonight. (Applause.)
-- 9/20/01
That's right. Recognizing people like Todd Beamer is now "cynically exploiting heroism". Funny, I don't seem to recall anybody accusing Bush of that back in September of '01. What's the matter? Have enough people forgotten the horrors of 9/11 that it's now safe to turn it into an engine for political cheap-shots and sinister conspiracy theories about PR haymaking?
Remember this when someone who laps up this kind of stuff gets all offended about having his patriotism or sincerity questioned. This is what they giggle about to each other when they don't think anybody else is watching.
I'll be printing out my copy of this report and marking it in good faith. I might even make some marginal corrections to help out teacher.
Incidentally, here are transcripts of all the SotU speeches since Truman's in 1945. Fascinating... and very illuminating.
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Brian Tiemann
