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Peeve Farm
Breeding peeves for show, not just to keep as pets
  Blog \Blôg\, n. [Jrg, fr. Jrg. "Web-log".
     See {Blogger, BlogSpot, LiveJournal}.]
     A stream-of-consciousness Web journal, containing
     links, commentary, and pointless drivel.


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Tuesday, March 25, 2003
23:19 - Are those sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads?
http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/national/apmideast_story.asp?category=1107&slug=War%20

(top) link

I see this story is starting to get some wider play, at least:

U.S. forces in Iraq are using specially trained dolphins to help look for anti-ship mines in the waters off the key southern port of Umm Qasr. But it's not the first time such creatures have been used by the military.

The U.S. military has used intelligent sea creatures for three decades, including sea lions brought to the Persian Gulf to guard against attack by providing early warning of enemy saboteurs. Many sea lions have been trained to come to the surface to signal an intruder.

For the U.S.-led war in Iraq, having dolphins locate the mines would make it easier for troops to clear them. That would make it safer for military and humanitarian supplies to be delivered to Umm Qasr or another port city.

But you know what really got me about this? When I first saw it mentioned on the CNN news crawl a couple of days ago, did it use the word "dolphins"? Noooo. It said NAVY USING MAMMALS TO SEARCH FOR UNDERWATER MINES.

Because you know what would have happened if they'd said "dolphins". Oh, the poor cute hyperintelligent beings! Being forced to endanger their own lives for the evil military! Watching this, my roommates and I were wondering aloud whether there might be some way to harness unicorns or possibly even rainbows for military purposes; that'd really piss them off.

I'm put in mind of that story that's been told to me a number of times, in which a group of particularly persistent sign-wavers gathered outside a university lab where they'd gotten wind that experimentation on animals was taking place. They picketed the building all day, screeching at the top of their lungs for the researchers to set the animals free.

Finally, one of the scientists came out to talk to them. He listened to their demands, then said, "Fine"-- and walked back inside. The protesters sent up a great whoop of victory. And then-- the researcher came back outside, holding a large shallow tray.

"I hope you'll give them a good home," he said, as he upended the tray and dumped a mound of wet mud and nematodes on the protesters' feet.

But I'm sure I'm being unfair. After all, has PETA complained about the Moroccan Mine Monkeys yet?

If not, only a cynic would suggest that it's only because that one doesn't involve Americans.


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© Brian Tiemann