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Peeve Farm
Breeding peeves for show, not just to keep as pets
  Blog \Blôg\, n. [Jrg, fr. Jrg. "Web-log".
     See {Blogger, BlogSpot, LiveJournal}.]
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     links, commentary, and pointless drivel.


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Wednesday, July 24, 2002
14:22 - A happy hour or two of info-tainment
http://www.improvisation.ws/mb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=4475

(top) link
"True Porn Clerk Stories", it's called.

It's a journal/blog sort of a thing written by a woman named Ali Davis, who is a clerk at a porn video store. She has a collection of long, well-written, involving and hilarious tales that are unmatched in the ring-of-tired-truth department by anything since Acts of Gord. And naturally, in keeping with the premise, this one's rather on the risqué side, so beware if you're the sensitive type.

I just want him to know that I am not impressed. I want him to know that his cellphone and pile of bags do not make him impressive, they make him a human log jam. I want him to know that renting a stack of 6 porn movies a day tends to undercut his intended dashing, man-about-town effect. I want him to know that true big-shots do not try to screw small locally-owned businesses out of petty amounts of cash. I want to have the pleasure of publicly deflating him.

There is no earthly reason I should care so much, and it drives me nuts that I do. I am a pacifist. I like to think of myself as a nonviolent and gentle person. I have actually fantasized about knocking Mr. Pig to the ground and kicking him. Once, when he was being particularly obnoxious, I had a flash of an image: Me putting a foot on Mr. Pig's chest, shoving a gun in his mouth, and blowing his brains across the New For Sale section. It frightened me, but I enjoyed it.

My only question is, why is this person still only making $6.50 an hour? This is excellent writing.

I used to hate opening on weekends because the early morning customers scared the shit out of me. The store opens at 9. I usually do about 20 mintues of set-up and hit the front door at 9 on the dot by the store clock. There is always someone waiting to get to the porn. Once or twice I have had a problem - a register came up short or a circuit breaker was blown - and I've opened the door at, say, 9:01 and 52 seconds. In both cases, a guy was actually pounding at the door when I got to it. Not the same guy - I'm not sure whether that's scarier or not. Both guys almost flipped out when I took the time to slide the sign from "closed" to "open" before turning the lock.

It gets pretty full at 9am on Saturdays and Sundays. I don't know if people are just getting up or if they stayed up or what. I just know they've been waiting for porn until they almost can't stand it.

...And eye-opening. I love seeing these jaded, seen-it-all perspectives on subjects like this that still are able to discern a great deal of mystery and magic in the world, despite the aggressive de-romanticization of it all that you get from a job like "porn store clerk". It really gives the mind a tick-over or two, to see what kinds of damage our social mores do to people's psychology, and yet how healthful and strengthening and non-damaging it can be for a person to be exposed to all levels of something supposedly "desensitizing". To be desensitized doesn't mean to be rendered incapable of enjoyment or taste. Quite, indeed, the opposite.

Great stuff. I'm not done with it yet myself.

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© Brian Tiemann